a wrinkle in time

This resolution business is a bit more difficult when the bambina does not nap for two days in a row. Should have done it on the weekend, yeah yeah.

I was interested in the news item that a Cornell psych prof emeritus might have found some slight evidence of ESP. Sadly, another article in the NY Times seems to explain that what is often considered statistically significant may actually not be. Which deflates the situation somewhat.

I consider myself a person of science. But I like to be open-minded about things when it seems possible. I don't think any of the really fancy ESP things that make for fun stories are very likely, or we would have seen more evidence of it by now. But I can't help wondering about little hard-to-quantify things, feelings that I have once in a while, a few stories I've heard from other people.

Okay. I can't help wondering if sometimes I'm feeling emotional echoes in my timestream of future incidents. It's never been much use, because it's not like an actual message or anything, just a feeling that "this is going to have been important later" or something like that. Once or twice I've tried to kind of feel ahead this way, trying to figure out "is this going to be bad/good" and see if I can get any sort of hint about it. I've also had a few instances where I get deja vu and was pretty sure I'd dreamed the moment previously. Never anything important; the example I was surest about was simply a moment rummaging in a co-op pantry with a friend in college, when I had not ever been to that co-op before.

Nothing I can really distinguish from normal pondering and worrying, if I really am strict with myself. And one would only notice situations that did turn out to be interesting later, after all. Mere pattern recognition going too far. Probably. Of course.

It's just kind of hard to prove a negative, innit? And more fun to think of unusual possibilities. Just in case...

This is not turning out to be a very good post. I apologize. The end of Monday approacheth and I need sleep. I'll get more of a running start for next week. ... I think?

to clarify

In case of any confusion from the previous post over which bits were real:

• We are having a baby. She is due in late September. She also has a name, but I'm not going to post it until she's born, if then.


• Everyone is very happy. This will be the first grandchild for both sets of parents, so they're pretty excited. Also this will be the first girl born on M's dad's side in about 50 years.


• We do not, sadly, have a new house being built for us. But our current little house, while needing some work in several areas, suits us fine for now. We do hope to be able to move within the next few years, but that will have to wait a bit.

More details in future updates are extremely likely.

And make no mistake, it was a good dream, a very good dream. It was just way way too short. The crying was only because I can't talk to him any more in the waking world.

turning corners

A little while ago, maybe almost a month now, I dreamed I was standing out front of the place where we live. Grandma was there, and my parents and M, maybe a few other relatives. We were walking down the street, toward the apartments. We were going to walk down round the corner and go to see the new house being built, that would belong to M and I, somewhere near where great-aunt Bea used to live. Everyone was talking and excited about the house. As we got near the corner, Grandpa swung into step with us, saying a cheerful hello, and oh I was so happy to see him. I joyfully took his arm as I said so -- it's been so long! -- and we continued walking and talking and laughing, all going down to look at the house together.

He looked really good: as full of energy as ever I've seen him, the grandpa of my earliest memories (not that he slowed down noticeably until the last few years). Even within the dream I noticed, that I was not sure how old he looked. He wasn't young exactly, but although he appeared younger than when I'd last seen him, he was entirely himself.

And part of the reason he was so happy, I knew, was that he was happy for me. Because we're going to have a baby, you see. And I was so happy to be sharing that with him, because it's been so long. So happy. He knows.

And then as we turned the corner and came in sight of the new house, still in the wood-framing stage, I woke up.

Then I told M about it, and cried.